Saturday, May 21, 2005

Trusting

I was examining my own thoughts regarding the reliability rating of "feelings" of commitment vs. the actual commitment. Coming from a divorce and exploring the concept of marriage all over again, I can't help but attempt to understand the unraveling of commitments. The first glaring problem in many relationships is that we are attempting to commit to someone whom we do not trust. Think about it....how many people do you know truly trust their mates to look out for the best interests of their partner and the relationship? How many have tried to invoke that trust, and then had it broken? How willing are they to trust again? Another thought: look how common divorce has become. It seems as though once upon a time, when you dated someone, you were free to walk away at any time. But when you made your vows to that person, you were then committed for life. Given the ease in which most can walk away from their life-long agreements, what is the point of marriage? If my spouse can turn to me and say they are just "not that into me" any longer, and then be granted a divorce in ninety days, what level of trust and faith does that establish for me? Part of me believes that we have allowed commitment to be defined by law, rather than by character. As we all know, laws may establish order, but they are not unbreakable. By allowing the paper we sign to determine our commitment, we can easily cheat when it is out of sight. If your character is defined and reliant on your word, I tend to think your dedication and steadfastness is more likely guaranteed. And yes, part of me acknowledges that we are flawed beings with immature notions of love and lust, who marry the wrong person. I should know, as I fell prey to that as well. Regardless, the decision to commit your life and all that you have and will be to someone else is taken entirely to lightly, in my opinion. It has become an over-publicized party, extravagant and gauche. The meaning is lost in butter cream and African violets. Far be it from me to ask Bridezilla about the strength of her commitment in the throes of having her appetite satiated. After all, I too have a survival instinct. But I do think it is worth some thought and consideration. How much do you trust your mate to stay by you, no matter what may come? Do you trust them to support you and make sure that you are put first, even if Mommy or Daddy try to maneuver into first place? How about just the protection of your own heart and well-being? Think of Terri Schiavo, Laci Peterson, etc. How much do you trust that person to look out for you, if you no longer can? If you don't have that trust, I hope you aren't married yet. Break free and run. If you're married, well....best of luck.