Thursday, April 28, 2005

Pornographic Thoughts

I always enjoy comments, and I reserve the right to respond. It's only fair, and I only ever sensor things if they get out of hand. I'm hoping this person will not take my response personally.
Porn is not totally innocent, Ally. I know you want to hang with the guys and make good, but certainly I think you would wish better for a child, or relative, or friend, than a career in porn. Sure they choose it. But why contribute to it? Ok to work in it, not to work in it, to watch it, or not. A recent survery showed the internet is a huge reason in divorce claims today. Why? Cybersex, internet porn, so forth. Ok, so porn is just a tool...it doesn't hurt people. Fine. But...it tells men we are supposed to have hairless vaginas. Be bisexual. Like anal at all time. It teaches them that physical perfection is the only way to go. It ruins relationships and many times is replaces instead of a real life partner. Quite frankly, it's everyone's right to watch it, but I feel it is degrading to women. It raises a bar super high of what we are supposed to be like in the bedroom, look like in the bedroom, and it enforces that one person is never enough. Porn isn't totally to blame, but it certainly is not innocent.
I'm not sure who wrote this, as she did not leave an e-mail or homepage. Her response was to this post. To respond....I never suggested that porn didn't hurt people, nor am I trying to "hang with the guys." If someone I know chooses to make that a career, I can't say I'm thrilled - but I feel similarily towards those who become defense lawyers for child molesters. I am assuming this reponse is from someone who does not know me. So just to put things in perspective: this response could have been mine. You see, commentor (she signs herself as "Toadette," though I should hope that is an alias?), my marriage was destroyed by porn - my husband was so enmeshed in it, he could not perform for his wife. Nor would he give it up or admit he had a problem - it was, of course, all my fault. And that was just my marriage. My father introduced me to porn when I was 3, and thanks to his addiction, I've watched more hardcore and fetish-related material than some porn webmasters. I had a very healthy dose of what porn can do to a marriage, a family - to a person. And you are right....it can be very damaging. But just as you can't shift the blame to the cigarette manufacturers for your addiction to smoking - hence, your lung cancer - because you chose to smoke too much, neither can you blame the producers of porn for the hardship we allow it to take on our relationships. You have to look at those that make the industry profitable. Those who perform - and those who buy. Another thought....and this took a long time to understand. Some people can watch porn or look at pornography on occasion, and it doesn't an addiction make. Others cannot look at even a little without becoming addicted. The average person who looks at porn, be it man or woman (and yes, many women like porn - in either the visual or written form), is merely horny, and probably doesn't have an outlet for their sexual desires. Those who look at porn and cannot stop looking at it....they have more deep-seated issues. It often has more to do with the inability to be vulnerable, or unable to face and work through their unusual sexual desires. Just as I can pick up a cigarette, smoke it, thoroughly enjoy it, and then never have another one for a month or even a year, some can do that with pornography as well. And while those bodies in the photos and film slides may be perfect - and fake - most normal guys are happy with a naked woman, imperfections and all. They aren't that picky. And you can go to the bank on that. Women are typically the ones who get caught up on comparing themselves. Most guys just want to have sex - they are not that concerned with whether or not you have stretch marks. I am neither condoning or comdemning pornography. Is erotica porn? Is the model of "David" porn? Are we ready to talk about sex scenes as....well, a form of pornography? What about the written word? Is there a difference? Would you rather have a person engaging in a one-night-stand, or getting their needs met via a Playboy magazine? I can't answer these for anyone but myself. This is certainly not a topic I like to take on, because of all the sensitive angles. But I felt like I needed to address this comment. At one point in time, that was me, too. Aside:I couldn't have said this a couple of years ago, when the wounds were fresh, and I felt self-conscious and unattractive. As many readers can surmise, I am a much different person now, in large part to my own determination to prove myself to me. I am both confident in who I am, and in my own sexuality. Those women in porn may have some men hooked, but I have my man hooked, and I'm better than any video out there. ::grins evilly::