Tuesday, January 04, 2005

To Find a Good Woman (or Man)

This post got me to thinking, especially the comments on it. As you can see, I commented with my infinite wisdom (har, har). But on a serious note, this is certainly not the first negative comment I've seen made about finding a good mate. Such as, "All the good ones are taken," "Single women past the age of 30 are stranger than a shaved cat," (not sure if the author was referring to decent women or not), "Typical woman," etc. Let's think about how we pick a mate. How many of us sit down in the beginning of a relationship and evaluate the person we are interested in? Not those butterflies in your stomach - the reality of who this person is? As we go on, are we still doing that? When you go to buy a car, what do you look at? Do you get caught up in the way it looks and handles? Or do you sit in it and try to imagine your everyday life in it? Do you take it home for a few days and see if it fits your life? Do you stand outside it and try to figure out if it will meet your needs? Are you willing to let that model go and try out another one if it doesn't? Most of the problem in our relationships is who we pick. We don't pick someone we actually want. We pick someone we think we can make into what we want. But that isn't how it works. After a lifetime of being a chameleon, trust me when I say, neither you nor your partner is happy when you try to make them into someone other than who they are. It might sound cold to compare relationships to buying a car, but reality is, it is simply more serious - not that much different. Much of the problem comes in when we need to walk away from someone who is not right for us. So before you convince yourself that there are no good eggs out there, evaluate how you PICK a partner. What do you want? Just because the outside looks good (or it's been a while since your last date) doesn't mean this is a good fit. And you do need to test-drive for a while before you can make a decision.