Sooooo, how's it feel, ladies? Like the shoe on the other foot? Or is it a little tight?
The offensive drivel I posted above was originally written about men. Every time you see a female reference, insert the appropriate male reference, and you will have the original saying (except with the pints of ice cream - that was actually beer). Have you ever stopped to think about how many negative things you hear about men, whether on TV, the radio, or in public? How often do you see the bumbling husband in TV sitcoms? Ever notice how negative commercials are towards men? Listen the next time you hear commercials on the radio or see them on TV. How often do the men get painted as idiots, while a woman comes in a makes the decision since he obviously is incompetent. How about this: ever been to a dinner party, where the hosts are a couple who have been together long enough for the glow to wear off, and every time the guy makes a point, the woman cuts him off? Or insists that he is wrong, it was actually this way, and she proceeds to contradict him.
Talking to men recently has been a learning experience. I know of several who are either unhappily married or going through a divorce. The men were willing, even desperately wanted, to go through counseling, but their wives refused. After all, he does not understand her, he never listens, if he would just be this way or that way, all the problems would be fixed. Could it be that women can not admit when they are wrong or need to change?
And of course, he's a sport-aholic. All he does is sit in front of the TV and watch sports. He hunts or fishes every weekend. Goes bowling every Tuesday. Mind you, you couldn't tear her away from an episode of "Friends," but that's different. Shopping may give her an emotional high and have her squealing to her girlfriends about her sale-rack finds, but sports are just a waste of time. Just a note, ladies:I have yet to meet a single man that wouldn't miss the Superbowl if his woman gave him a come-hither glance towards the bedroom.
How about sex? Most men - and I do not mean this as an insult - are very easily pleased in relationships. The old joke "just give 'em food or sex" is not entirely off the mark. We women are the complicated wells of emotions that men have to try to understand. I have met countless women who will spend hours helping friends, making their children feel special, volunteering at the church, but God forbid their husbands want sex. The idea! Like she has time! She's exhausted at the end of the day, and all he can think about is sex. Typical man, right? Come on, ladies, we'll spend hours at the hair salon or manicurist, shop until the mall is closing, take classes to learn new and exciting projects, spend hours in religious obligations, but we can't be sensitive to our men? What is up with that? I know sex is sticky and messy - so is playing with your children. Get over it. It is actually a lot of fun if you take an active role.
I have met countless women with major sex issues that refuse to get them resolved. The guy just has to go without, and he better NEVER think of cheating. Just because he is needy and she cut him off, it doesn't give him the right to go get his needs satisfied elsewhere. Mind you, when she has needs, she can go bitch to her girlfriends and mother about how horrible her man is and get sympathy from them. He has to suck it up and stay true blue.
Men are not our emotional whipping posts. They are different. Our differences do not stop at the genitalia. Most men aren't good listeners - at least in the way women want them to be. Women want to complain and moan about things they have no intention of changing. They want their men to listen sympathetically and whisper sweet nothings. Sorry, my dear, but there is a reason why men can build malls with cotton balls and a hammer. They fix things. Men like to solve problems. That is their make-up. Just like ours is to nurture and understand, their nature is to fix it, and then move on to the next task. So if you don't want your problem fixed and just want to complain, then go talk to your girlfriend. If you want help to figure it out, ask your man. He's good at that.
Oh, and if you wear that little slinky thing cut down to there
and up to here
, you can bet men are going to stare. It does not make them pigs. If you don't like it, wear a sweat suit - they are never sexy. The suggestion that women should be allowed to dress like Ally McBeal (in court), and no man should notice is absurd. If a man walks by you with tight jeans and great ass - you look the other way? And yes, your husbands/boyfriends/partners are going to look when they are out with their friends. Men are more visual than women. Where a rousing conversation gets a woman singing Dixie, a good-looking woman is going to draw a man's eye. Any touching or prolonged fascination with said woman, then we have a problem.
And ladies, if you don't want attention, don't wear things that are going to attract it. If you want to respected for your brain, then pull it out of storage and leave the skimpy clothes on the rack. It is hard for any man to concentrate on what you're saying when your cleavage is staring him in the face. And don't even go there with me - how often were you able to keep concentration when some gorgeous guy started up a conversation with you? We are just as bad - men just do not dress as suggestively as we do.
Lastly, their sense of humor is significantly different than ours. That is the only explanation for Monty Python, Beavis & Butthead, and Cheech & Chong. I don't know why bodily noises are funny. I do not understand why telling the same story over and over is a great thrill, and why it is funnier by the 154th telling. However, I daresay the plots for chick flicks are little more than the same story told over and over with a different backdrop. Maybe their sense of humor is not so baffling after all.
Men are human beings with feelings and needs, just like your friends, your children, and your family. I have no idea why women will spend hours of effort, trying to understand and help their girlfriends or children - but they won't offer an hour in counseling, an interest in their man's interests, or reserve some energy at the end of the day to satisfy their man. I am not suggesting that women should be sex slaves, submissive, or housewives. I would never fit into any of those categories and frustrate the hell out of a number of men who know me due to my opinionated (I prefer to think of it as educated) nature. However, I do care, I try to listen, and I try to see the male point of view. It is only fair, if I expect a guy to listen to my side. And if a couple nights a week, I need to get romantic for my man to keep him happy, is that too much to ask? We expect them to be present for us when we need them - why doesn't it work both ways? Their needs are different - they are probably not going to spend hours on end being emotional. But they could use a little of our time so they feel secure in our affections and appreciated. Our needs are not so different; it is simply the way in which they are met. So stop looking at your side all the time and try to be a little more aware of your man's needs. We expect men to understand all our nuances and subtleties - would it kill us to reciprocate?