Monday, December 27, 2004


This article is worth a good laugh....and few head nods. When I was a child, I wanted what every other little girl wants: a puppy. Most kids think they are cute, cuddly, and fun. We have no idea the upkeep involved. Neither did my mother, apparently. Sure enough, we went to the pet store (a horrid, horrid place to find a pet), and I picked out a puppy: a cute little Bichon Frise I wanted to name "Button." My mother also picked out a puppy, a Maltese. Guess which one we took home? My consolation prize was that I got to name the already-yappy Matlese. I learned to hate that dog. I know - ME? The dog lover who considers her dog the equivalent of her child?! She hates a dog? Hate may be a strong word, but in this case, I do not hesitate to apply it. My mother refused to do something as time-consuming as potty-training. For her entire life, the dog has peed on puppy training pads....which were kept in the the sink. Just imagine making dinner, with the fresh smell of doggie urine and crap right under your nose....sounds appetizing? My first marriage proposal: when my soon-to-be-fiance got down on one knee, he unwittingly put his knee right into the soiled pad. Ah, feel the romance.... Training? For this dog? No, we couldn't possibly put that little brainless, four-footed monster through training. Instead, the dog was on all the furniture, had a penchant for licking feet incessantly, and barked as though her life was being threatened 24/7. It wasn't the dog's fault. She was never trained. She could have been a good little dog, but this thing could get away with murder, and my mother thought it was cute. ACDL indeed. There must a support group for it around here somewhere.