Thursday, November 18, 2004

Looking Inside

While my week has been a successful one career-wise (or so I hope), personally it has held its challenges. I can't say I've come out on top....though perhaps it is my perspective. On Tuesday morning, around 3:30 AM, I knocked over a mailbox in an expensive neighborhood. It was completely totalled. I was appalled....shocked. No one saw me do it. I drove away. .... .... .... Had ya there, for a second, eh? Actually, I really did drive away, unsure if I would return. After all, no one saw me. These people could easily afford to pay for a new mailbox. There was no damage done to my vehicle (damn cheap mailbox construction in my opinion). I couldn't do it, though. As much as I wanted to....as much as it was the "right" decision for me....I returned and left my name and number. How much do you think a mailbox could cost? $75? $150? $200? This is the price I thought I would be facing. When I finally heard from the owner, it was a much darker picture. $500. For a mailbox!? Let me mention that I don't get paid for four weeks at my new job (they hold the first two weeks), it is right before Christmas, and I had planned ahead to get me through the end of the month....it was going to be tight, but I would make it. So to me, and perhaps for many of you, $500 might as well be $5,000. Truth is, I was very sorry I'd told the truth. I wished I had not. And that disappoints me. You live your life by a certain code - but when it comes back to bite you in the ass, you suddenly start thinking about some code-revision. Had I known how much it was going to cost, I don't know what I would have done. I would like to think I would have 'fessed up anyway. I don't think I could have lived with my conscience. Or would self-preservation have ruled all? So now I have $500 to find - probably going to sell a few things, and I'll scrape by, as usual. But it was a healthy - and disappointing - look at my moral character. It is something I will have to examine and fix in due course.