Sunday, August 29, 2004

Simple Men

Okay, it's been awhile. Time to hit my favorite subject....and quite honestly, in my mind, one of the most important topics I cover. As a single woman, I date (men, lest I need to specify) and try to learn more about men. I am naturally curious, so I ask questions, learn backgrounds, and generally try to get to know people. Whether or not they are available, or someone I would be remotely interested is besides the point, as people fascinate me. I have dated two decent men, both divorced with children. There are several similarities in their situations. *Both moved out of their houses at their (ex-)wives request. Both continued to pay the expenses and mortgages until the mothers of their children could find suitable employment and help out. *Both wanted to attend counseling for their marriages. Both wives refused any counseling. *Both love and are dedicated to their children. They make attempts to see their children whenever possible, even outside of regular visitation. They have agreed to their visitation schedules outside of courtroom arguments. *Both continue to assist their ex-wives in home repairs, personal situations, and take on the difficulties of parenting. *Neither is abusive, addicted to an unhealthy substance (unless over-eating counts!), or a cheater. Both are laid-back, easy-tempered, and attractive. Plainly put, these guys are workable. These are not some difficult, stubborn creeps that demand their own way (only) and refuse to hold up their end of the partnership. Mind you, they have their flaws, such as having difficulties making decisions, getting walk-over by those around them, and just generally being a little too people-pleasing, but these are hardly crimes. I have met several other men who are in similar situations, either still married or divorced. Good, decent men who, despite their efforts, cannot please their women. What is the problem here? Honestly, I think it is because too many women think their vows equal entitlement. Entitlement to a nice house, staying at home with the kids or working at what they want to, being able to shop when they want and spend what they want, and putting their marital relationship second to every other relationship in their lives. Certainly not all women feel this way, and there are situations where the men they are with really are jerks. But there are just as many situations where the men are just trying to do their best, and it is never good enough. I'm the first person to admit, I'm a demanding partner. But I make my demands prior to the wedding vows. If the man can't handle them, I move on. I don't try to force him into a mold he was not cut out to fit. I just look for someone who better suits what I desire in a relationship. Too many people (I find this behavior dominant in women) are trying to change a person to what they want. Mind you, feminists would have the head of any man who attempted to get a woman to change for him....those male chauvinist pigs. But women who do so....they are just trying to improve these violent, senseless, primitive apes with whom they are stuck. What a woman must do to have a family....ah, the sacrifices she must make. I am starting to think men should really start volunteering in droves for sperm banks. It is a hell of a lot easier on you, trust me. You can live as you want, without anyone nagging at you, get paid and have more sexual activity than you will if you're married, and women can have the children they want. It would save you mountains in child support, alimony, emotional trauma, and you can avoid getting attached to children whom you will rarely get to see anyway, once the divorce is final - after all, children need mothers, not fathers. I repeat: there are jerks out there in both genders. Men, however, are the ones who have the most strikes against them in the media and in conversation among women. Women must "put up with" male antics, while men are fortunate to be able to trod the ground on which a woman walks. If men are as simple as women make them out to be, and we are really that complicated (trust me, guys, that is also a load of BS - we just make it look that way), then women should have no problem keeping their men happy and twisting them around their little finger. After all, the poor, simple beasts need our complex guidance. So why are we women having such difficulty? It couldn't be that we are wrong, could it?